What’s Condoms Got to Do with Dance?

Post Views 1,075
The night is young. Music bumping, percussive heat and beautiful bodies grooving to sensual rhythms. Everybody’s salsa dancing their hearts out. Sabor! Sabrosura!

Hold up. It’s not what you think.

Salsa dancing is fantastic. It’s sleek, sexy and full of challenge and opportunities to grow as a person. It’s superb exercise and it’s social, but that’s not why people come back again and again.

We sacrifice sleep, sanity and drive insane hours for crazy dance congresses…

As spoken by true Cuban Rumberos,

Dance is the fountain where I quench my body’s thirst for movement.

We love dancing. We love that magical feeling. Completely in the moment.

Lost in flow, totally present and truly alive.

If you’re a wallflower wishing to join the fun. Go for it! Join a class, ask someone to dance, become part of the community.

Whether you’ve got fourteen left feet, a few moves in your pocket or have been dancing for years. Here’s a concept that will propel your leading and following skills to another planet.

You’ll meet all sorts of dancers on your journey. Joyous, forceful, playful, rough, musical, light, assertive, confident, shy, serious, confused, sly, humorous, deadpan, cloud-like dancers.

The key is adapting and responding in a way allowing you to enjoy all kinds of leads and follows. No matter how heavy or light they are. No matter how beginner or advanced they are.

Versatility, adaptability, and responsiveness are your secret sauces.

Here’s where condoms come in

You must be elastic, responsive, like condoms…When you apply condom-elastic-stretching on the dance floor, you can comfortably adapt to any kind of dance partner. Condoms promote intimate connection. Be like condoms my friend.

– Bruce Wee (Bruce Lee’s imaginary twin)

Condom-Elastic-Stretching is a dance concept sounding straight out of “The Ginormous Book of Dirty Jokes”. It’s a real skill that will elevate your ability to dance with all sorts of partners.

In Toronto we are pleasantly spoiled to learn from the world’s most eclectic, playful and socially inappropriate dance teacher to ever grace human history. United Salseros’ Overlord. Some call him Yoda. Most sigh “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” and end up laughing on the floor when he sneaks in cheeky sex jokes every three counts of eight. At dance classes, socials and 4 AM Salsa Dance Congress Chinatown Pho, he’s a walking-breathing-jokes machine.

Beginner dancers overreact. Their timing is suspect. Their movements aren’t centered. Their hands and feet aren’t coordinated with the rest of their body. Every dance is filled with panic, “oh my gosh. I’m messing everything up! He/She’s going to HATE dancing with me!”

If you’re feeling awkward, stiff and uncoordinated on the dancefloor, you’re not alone. This is completely normal, curable, and awesome. Sweet. You’re willing to get better!

The difficulty lies in expressing vague dance concepts. It’s easy to say a great dancer is smooth, graceful and elegant. But why are they smooth, graceful and elegant? Why is it so comfortable to dance with them?

Elasticity is a start

Great dancers internalize Condom-Elastic-Stretching. They know how to stretch and compress. Every move has fluid potential and no body parts are stiff or rigid. They embody dance philosophies grounded in Tai Chi princples of movement and spacial awareness. A philosophy embodying flow.

No matter how fast the song, amazing dancers do not rely on sheer muscle strength and individual effort to move quickly. It’s too easy to lose connection that way.

Instead, they rely on the Condom-Elastic-Stretching forces of stretch and compression to bounce from move to move like rubber balls. Dancing becomes effortless. These dancers can dance for hours on end with all variety of partners without over-tiring or stressing their joints.

Condoms aren’t just stretchy. They’re really freaking powerful. You don’t want condoms breaking on you now, am I right?

See the condom. Admire the condom. Be the condom.

You’ll soon be custom made to fit your partner ;) This kind of dancing prevents unwanted dance floor accidents. 98% guaranteed. The better you get at Condom-Elastic-Stretching, the more intimate your connection between you and your partner.

Give it a go. Take note of how you react to your dance partners. Take note of how your dance partners react to you and adjust accordingly.

Have fun!

Practice Safer Dancing ❤


  • Latindance guy says:

    How disgusting. That has to be the worst analogy I have seen about dancing ever.. It lacks class and is tacky. I am offended and disappointed I logged in to read this, it cheapens the beautiful art that is latin dance…..Keep your low-road sexual view to yourself. I don’t see the value, it’s juvenile at best.

  • Ryan J says:

    Sounds like someone could do with a bit more ‘elasticity’ in their narrow views! fine to regard Latin dance as a ‘fine art’ but just remember pretty much all Latin dances you dance have rather racy origins. Bachata and tango, for instance were born in the brothels and cabarets of DR and BsA, danced between the ‘patrons’ and the ‘performers’ as a precursor to the actual act, and so for a long time these dances were frowned on by the upper and middle classes for some time. Even salsa has as its grand daddy, the fantastically naughty rumba -not the silly ballroom one – the original folk dance which is essentially a visual pantomime of the female and male act climaxing in the ‘fertilisation’ of the female during the ‘ vacuano’ step, which literally involves the guy poking the lady in the pussy (with his hand). So my Puritan friend are you shocked to learn this?
    Good article and analogy, absolutely the best partner dancers are the ones that are flexible in terms of skill and adapting to the partner might I add a flexible attitude, as well ;)

  • Bob dabilder says:

    If you’re going to quote the get it right. I said art form ..never said fine art…I’m disappointed in the analogy…it’s pathetic…what are we all in 6th grade and should giggle?…You must be his boyfriend and I am very impressed by your use of elaborate words…. I am entitled to my opinion and you are yours no matter how misguided…..I still say keep the disgusting sexist remarks to yourself…if you whispered that BS to my GF I think your dancing would come to an abrupt halt….leave the sex behind closed doors…not everyone here is a liberal and low road as you….

  • Ryan J says:

    Mate, I’m glad you have enough mastery of comprehension to be impressed by my ‘elaborate words’, but again, you totally miss the point. That you choose to be ignorant about taking in certain truths and facts is bad enough, but what’s more worrying is your apparent allergic reaction when being presented it in such small doses. I’m no psychic, but as you yourself admitted, I am good with words, both in using them, and also at extracting meaning from what others say and from your initial reaction and the flavour and content of what you’ve posted, it’s clear that you have issues with your own sexuality. It’s fairly dripping out of your own posts. You just come across as very sexually repressed. So it’s really good (you say) you dance and have a girl friend because those two things should really help you confront these personal issues – both things require you to be open and upfront about your sexuality for you to enjoy them healthily. Once you learn how to do this, I think you will be getting more out of your life, rather than going around with barely containable rage over other people seeming to enjoy life more than you. Turn inwards my friend and sort your problems out, we all want this for you, everyone is here to help you. I wish you luck in this.

Leave a Reply